You don’t have to push a handcart to be a pioneer: The many faces of being an LGBTQ Ally/friend in the church

As children growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon), we learn about the rich pioneer heritage that our ancestors built as they crossed oceans and continents to follow their innermost convictions, live their faith, and build Zion in the Rocky Mountains.  In Sunday school, we sing this song about them:

To Be A Pioneer

You don't have to push a handcart, or leave your family dear,

or walk a thousand miles or more to be a pioneer!

You do need to have great courage, faith to conuquer fear,

and work with might for a cuase that's right to be a pioneer!

We are marching, ever marching, marching onward ever onward

We're pioneers; we're marching.

Different Perspectives and a community conversation

With my involvement with several Mormon groups’ discussion on lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or same-sex attraction (LGBT/SSA) topics, I see many differing perspectives around a central core, the Mormon faith.  From the perspectives of the official (soon to be revamped) Mormon Church’s website and Northstar, to Affirmation LGBT Mormons Families & Friends,  and from Mormons Building Bridges, to the Mama Dragons, LDS Family Fellowship, I'll Walk With You Videos and The Family Acceptance Project, there are many perspectives to consider as we work together to continue to Build Zion. We will find many commonalities between our experiences and stories.  We will also find points of disagreement and differing interpretation. As President Gordon B. Hinckley taught us, we must learn that we can “disagree…without being disagreeable” in order to continue to perfect the saints and establish Zion where we are, in our stakes as well as online.

 we come from different experiences, thus differing beliefs and perspectives.  With such a sensitive topic in our community, we must learn to step outside of our own perspectives and truly listen to others while holding room for our own understanding.  

What is an “Ally” and do you have to march in a parade to be one? 
Last Sunday, I went to a sign making party for the upcoming Washington DC Capital Pride Parade, where Mormons will be marching under the banner of "LGBT Mormons, Families & Friends." There was a mixture of heterosexual couples, children, and same-sex attracted and gay identifying Mormons. It truly was a vibrant representation of the spectrum of our community!  We discussed, “what does it mean to be an ally?”   We collectively determined that to be an ally is really to be a friend to someone.  For many Mormons, it is a large sacrifice to march in a pride parade.  Some clearly feel called to minister to LGBT individuals, showing love at Mormon hugging booths and carrying messages of love in a parade, while others are not comfortable, or feel no need to minister to LGBT individuals in these ways. Some saints do not understand what good can come from it. To me, what is clear is that not only do people have different perspectives, but also have different ways of showing love to others. 

Author Gary Chapman (The 5 Love Languages) tells us that people can have different love languages; that we must learn to speak and show love in the way that others can recieve it, otherwise relationships will wither.  Could this be true for ways that we offer friendship and support in the sensitive discussion of Mormonism and LGBT issues?

Many Faces at the intersection of Mormonism and LGBT

Identity: I have friends across wide spectrum of belief in Mormonism and sexual identity.  Some are Gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.  Others identify as same-sex attracted.  Some are members of the Mormon church still, and others are out of the church. 

Participation: Likewise, I have gay friends and straight family members who will march in a parade with me to reach out in love to the crowd, and I have friends and family who quietly support me in other ways, who feel like marching in a parade is not a good thing.  I have friends who have come to a resolution in their understanding of LGBT and Mormonism as a whole; likewise, I have friends who still do not know how to wrap their head around such a difficult topic.  I love them all, and realized that they each love me, in their own unique way, according to the understanding and gifts that God has given to them. I see a great parallel among our diversity to the body of Christ, or church in general: 

1 Corinthians 12: 12, 18-22, 24-27, 31 (Contemporary English Version):
“The body of Christ has many different parts, just as any other body does…God has put all parts of our body together in the way that He decided is best. A body isn’t really a body, unless there is more than one part…That’s why the eyes cannot say they don’t need the hands.  That’s also why the head cannot say it doesn’t need the feet. In fact, we cannot get along without the parts of the body that seem to be the weakest…God put our bodies together in such a way that even the parts that seem the least important are valuable.  He did this to make all parts of the body work together smoothly, with each part caring about the others.  If one part of our body hurts, we hurt all over.  If one part of our body is honored, the whole body will be happy. Together you are the body of Christ.  Each one of you is part of His body…I want you to desire the best gifts. So I will show you a much better way.” 

What we see is the diversity of the body of Christ, with it’s many parts. All are needed. Below are some of the faces of friends/allies across this spectrum of belief and support.

In a moment of authentic connection, strangers become friends.  In conversation we discovered that "Pride" is learning to follow your heart honestly and lovingly before God.  

LDS Bishop, members--gay and straight--all coming together.

This sign was a heartfelt message made by a heterosexual sister.  She doesn't feel the need to march with us this year, but knows her expressions of love can change the world.  

One of my favorite friends.  After the LDS church's policy change regarding gays and lesbians in November 2015,  she saved a seat for me at church and sat with me as I wept profusely.  She feels no desire to march in a parade, but still is the truest kind of friend and showed love when I needed it most.  Thank you Amie.

Our Sacrament meeting pulpit after last year's Policy change announcement.  While local leaders have no say in top-down policies and announcements, our leaders responded with love, awareness, and open arms.  This can be very rare in Mormon congregations in regards to LGBT issues.  With continued conversation among church members, perhaps this will continue to change in a more welcoming direction.  

A church member in the McLean, VA stake doesn't want to march in a parade, but gives a gentle reminder that he and his family are safe people for LGBT youth in his ward via a bumper sticker at church!

Karl is one of many friends with whom I may not always see eye to eye, but love and respect abounds.  A true ally, friend and brother in the Gospel.  We've had some deep conversations about LGBT and Mormonism and through listening, have come to see each other's perspectives more clearly.  The gift we give each other is to listen openly to new ideas.

The Quezada family are great friends.  They don't feel a need to fly a rainbow flag on our behalf because we are having dinner together and playing with the kids.  There is beauty all around when there's love at home. Simple expressions of love and time together help us love one another.

A temple trip between members of Affirmation and Northstar.  When we get to know others, we realize how much more we have in common and how much we need to support each other in our spiritual paths.

Meg is one of my Mama Dragon Friends.  She has spoken with Apostles on behalf of her gay son and is an LGBT advocate in our faith community.  Thank you, Meg, for your hard work and honest heart--you tell it like it is.  You mourn with those who are mourning.

Friends within the church coming together to prepare messages of love for the DC Pride Parade in 2015. They hope to be a gentle reminder for others that all are beloved sons and daughters of God.  If you're not sure you'll have a friend at church, they will be there, no matter what your opinion or perspective on the issues.

Missionaries give LGBT Mormons a tour in Palmyra, NY.  We were whole-heartedly welcomed by the mission and stake president, truly a friendly gesture. Some church leaders are open to understanding that LGBT Mormons need fellowship and ministering to, just like straight members of the church. 

Some marchers hold messages of love, others political statements.  This group includes family members.  They feel the calling to march and minister to the LGBT who are watching the parade and may never step foot in a Mormon church.  This is their gift of love.  We understand that not everyone is able or comfortable marching, but look forward to learning about how you support others through the gifts you have. 

Why I march

As I have been present at the DC Pride festival and parades over the last 4 years, I have met many people who are impacted by our presence.  In 2013 I met an LDS mother with two gay sons.  During the Parade, one of our marchers came up to her along the parade route and embraced her in a big hug! The next day this mother wept as she recounted to me the faith journey of her family, and their departure/exile from their beloved faith community.  She expressed that she knew it was the Spirit that lead this LDS parade marcher to seek her out and provide a healing hug.  She knew that there were people at the Pride festival that may never step back into a Mormon meeting house, but needed to feel loved by their tribe, their faith family. These people yearn so badly to hear and understand that there is a place for them in our hearts.  The beautiful, diverse families in the documentary, Anyone and Everyone, illustrate why I participate.  The fierceness of a mother’s and father’s love at minutes 14:00 and 23:00 explain beautifully the impact that love, despite our understanding or perspective, can provide. This parallels the love I have felt from my Heavenly Father when I have turned to Him in prayer regarding my own life path.  It is my calling to pass that love on to others. 

Do you have to march in a Pride Parade to be a friend to your fellow Latter-day Saints who identify as LGBT or SSA?  Not at all!   We must each seek to know how to love and support each other in the body of the church. We are each challenged by the Savior to seek the best ways to learn how to love our neighbor as ourselves. To be an ally is to be a friend, and friendship can take many different forms.